I rode to the top of Whiting Ranch and got an ocean view. I came home and immediately began making bread. Nearing the end of my 4-hour shift, I was drawn to the audible viewer discretion warning from the CNN anchor perched atop my fridge. The warning was merited. The clip made me weep. I … Read more
I woke to the ding of my phone this morning. I assumed it was the first of many threads about gratitude to come today. But it wasn’t, not really. It was a text from someone who truly knows and loves me and read my most recent post about gratitude. Her words: “I think someone read … Read more
Last Thanksgiving, right before the prayer over turkey and mashed potatoes, our extended family held hands in a circle and were invited by the host to share what we are thankful for. I love these people. But I began to sweat. Of course, I could find something to say. But I didn’t feel like it. … Read more
Having served on a jury for the past three weeks, I learned what a Life Care Planner does. This expert witness, hired by the plaintiff’s attorney, assessed and projected the so-called injured party’s future medical needs and imagined costs over her remaining life expectancy. I surmised this point was intended to seal the deal and … Read more
“Do you see yourself as a feminist?” Joey asked, and before I could answer, he continued, “I do. I think you’re a feminist.” He smiled in approval. His declaration had surprised me. “Why do you say that?” I won’t detail his reasons because it’ll sound boasty, plus feminism isn’t the point. The knowing is. This … Read more
Bearable Children are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around. It’s known as an “out of order death” when you lose a child. It is the worst jolt I have ever experienced. Experience. My understanding is that this grief will not “go away.” For as long as you love, you will grieve, … Read more
Free Spirit at the Block Party There were families, food, beverages, games, a live band, and free-spirited seniors shimmying and shaking like there wasn’t tomorrow or a soul or an entire neighborhood watching—like me watching. One woman in particular’s dancing was mesmerizing—fluid, unafraid, and total commitment. She embodied freedom. I stood back alone for a … Read more
Downcast Why, my soul, are you downcast?–Psalm 43:5 A couple were on a bike ride in the city. “I need to buy a pack of cigarettes,” the man told his wife as he scanned the asphalt jungle within his purview. The wife shot him a quizzical look. Neither of them smoked and never had. … Read more
The Overlook We happened by this spot overlooking the Willamette recently, and the memory of Joey (from 13 years ago) walking across the grass flashed. Since this felt more sweet than bitter, I decided today to come again: this time solo, but for my smallish box of Bluestar Donuts for sweet comfort, should that become … Read more
Cold Hard In the fog of grief, the practice of focusing on heaven helps ease my pain, but sometimes, I forget that tool is available to me, and it falls to the ground. On Monday, I was reminded to stretch, lean in, and pick it up. Look up to heaven. That’s where my peace—if momentary—can … Read more