On Christmas Eve, 2022, this was the photo I used to do the unimaginable and announce on social media that my beloved son, Joey, had left this earth. In the initial fog of grief, war, and shock, I wrote a few lines, ending with the Job 13:15 quote—”Thou he slay me, yet I will trust … Read more

One Christmas, Joey gave me a bookend. Just one bookend. A single bookend, without its mate. He wasn’t a kid, far from it. Joey wasn’t materialistic, but he was generous. He gifted me things like poetry and letters, CD mixtapes, a bouquet on my birthday trip with John to Big Sur, and a scarf, to … Read more

As I rode along the beach yesterday, an epiphany suddenly boiled over. It was the kind of insight that had always been there, quietly simmering: the reason I love being in nature—and even if just for a moment, bloom with it—taking in the beauty of creation (ocean, streams, woods, mountains, flowers, wildlife, sunsets, Supermoon, etc.)—is … Read more

Once you’ve spent a Christmas Eve calling mortuaries for your child, subsequent Decembers are very long and very tricky—more like minefields instead of Christmas tree lots. Yes, it’s me again talking about grief. Why? Because people are everywhere, grief is everywhere. They just might be quieter than I am about it. Here’s a link to … Read more

I’ve seen two shows recently (Netflix, HBO Max) that feature characters who are “birders.” I’d never heard that term before, only “birdwatchers.” Personally, I’d rather be a birder than a birdwatcher—“birdwatcher” infers, well, distant observer rather than embodiment. As a kid, whenever someone asked which animal I would choose to be, I always said a … Read more

When I was little, my mom tucked me in every night. I was all hemmed in. After she left the room (not to offend), I would improve her work by smoothly gliding my open hands over the sheets, blanket, and finally the bedspread. I straightened any creases, wrinkles, or bumps on the fabrics, ensuring everything … Read more

Our eyes met in the front row of a church balcony yesterday, with two empty seats between us. I noticed the toddler saw the bright lights on my Apple Watch, and I also saw that his dad, to his left, was wearing one too. I was distracted by this little beauty, missing the message from … Read more

I’ve had a couple of close calls cycling in traffic over the past couple of weeks, and last Saturday, I didn’t. I guess you could say I had a call. At the risk of sounding dramatic, it was a little like Bob Dylan’s “knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door,” the song I heard shortly after. … Read more

On my bike at a stop sign, I was ping-ponging my neck, patiently waiting for the gap in traffic so that I could zip across the busy intersection. Two elite-athlete-looking cyclists in spandex pulled up to my left. Decked out in full kit and fully fit, they could have just come from a cover shoot … Read more

I fell asleep last night, moments after being inspired by Aubrey’s Instagram post. In the photo, the beautiful young woman with the beaming smile had her arms spread, displaying, “embracing” the massive quantity of empty prescription bottles covering a coffee table. She eloquently and vulnerably wrote that she both resented and was grateful for these … Read more