Habitat for Humanity


How’d your day start?  Let me tell you how the tone was set for me. My day began with my legs flinging out the side of the bed escape-style and waking to the sound of my own blood-curdling screams.


In the dream, I’d opened my back door and was startled by an underfoot black cat. My escape-style, jiu-jitsu legs were kicking the cat who was attempting to get into the house. To be clear, I don’t kick animals. Not even on my worst day. The cat got through my legs and proceeded to make itself at home.


At the front of our house, we have Ring Doorbell with the camera. On my app, I recently watched a video of a wild freaking coyote at my front door in the wee morning hours, apparently deciding whether or not to ring. I’m guessing he saw the no-soliciting-sign, looked at his watch and thought better of it.


Wile E., we’re in the city. Okay, burbs. But still.


I don’t have a cat. I don’t want a cat. I can’t keep my French doors open because cats come into my house and give me a heart attack. I’m not kidding. I’ll be all Zen in the den and I look up and there’s a black furry figure scampering across my dining room floor.


If you read the chapter, “The Intruder,” in my book, I Punched Myself in the Eye, you know I once called 911 on a prowler skulking in my back yard with a flashlight in the middle of the night, a wild beast murdering my non-dog, my neighbor Mike-Dave, and a Spiderman raccoon.  That same night the police officer complimented the décor in my home. True story.


I mountain bike almost daily. I cross paths with beasts of the field in their habitat. I’m getting better about not freaking out when I’m in the wild. But when it’s my home? This is a habitat for humanity.


There’s a pattern. I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that I am under siege.


I feel like I want to use the word “harangued,” so I just double-checked the meaning.  Since these animals aren’t talking, it doesn’t really fit…or does it?


I’m all hopped-up on Eckart Tolle these days and I’d really like to know what I’m supposed to learn, here, human friends. Thoughts?